A Letter to the Love of My Life.

Written by Jessica Golich

It internally feels as though it has been centuries since you and I have slowed down and deeply spoken. I cunningly perceive that one minute you’re a stone throw away from a Lexapro prescription, and the next the mystique of inspiration has smothered your core and torn down egoic walls that lead to bright-eyed liberation. Amid such unbelievably heavy internal suffering, fierce outbursts of anguish and instinctive reactions to flee and escape the paroxysms of your egomaniacal misanthropy, you propel past surges of emotional tyranny and acknowledge the consequences of waxing and waning temperaments and the excruciating anguish that results from choosing to step on fiery coals that thrust you further toward bouts of extreme escapism. It is evident that the myth of omnipotence is no longer prevalent in your broadening mind, and your extreme preoccupation with your solipsistic, glassy-eyed and flummoxed perception of reality is wreaking havoc within. Could it quite possibly be the effect of a surge of subconscious memories bubbling to the forefront of your mind? Are the ghosts of suffering long buried suddenly resurrected?

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It is child’s play to metastasize into black and white thinking in which your deep-seated beliefs, interpretation of reality and intellectual domination tendencies are absolute and exempt from liability to error. The particularly poisonous serpent by the name of pride is cradling you in it’s nest of isolation while pulling your limbs apart like planets orbiting a dying sun. I am observing each and every sympathetic bone in your body bitterly shatter as the prickles and thorns of delicate flowers have injected you with impetuous skepticism toward compassionate, heartfelt connection. I perceive that you are encountering extreme episodes of inner tribulation which have led you to push away and abandon relations with individuals whom are selflessly tender to your dismay. The soul-crushing blend of martyrdom and baneful friction within you, the narcissistic mastermind, is a toxic medley for an individual whom is simultaneously superior in elegance and enchantment. There is no breeze that stirs the caldron that you have encountered in the overheated and scorching hot room that you have imprisoned yourself in. There is no escape from the smothering confinement you feel within each and every cyclical lapse in which you are absorbed in a state of gloom. For a woman of extraordinary creative and intellectual potency, may your various despairs and seemingly impenetrable and maddening darkness serve to enhance creativity. Roll up your sleeves and dive into the psychological and emotional work that is required to heal as you unravel your rotten layers and acknowledge the importance of confronting the severe danger behind crippling mental health conditions. Although you recognize your cheery disposition mellowly subsiding and tottering towers of experience accompanying you regardless of destination, you do reserve feverish reverence for the sharpened perception and curbed enthrallment that mutely examines and descries neurotic wonder in all. May you return in a purer state through the intimate tango of dysphoria and radiance. Overall, the magic of time slowly unburdens and reveals all, Jessica Anne Golich; I love you and will be here for you through each and every rise and fall.