By Jessica Golich
Each and every day, I nonchalantly shimmy past hundreds and potentially thousands of individuals. I stroll past buses and trains awash with an assortment of diverse individuals living life through their own narrative. I ramble past cars painstakingly struggling through rush hour traffic. I hustle past individuals burdened by daily loads of emails, meetings and appointments galloping on crowded streets to their next destination. As recently estimated by the United States Census Bureau, the world is inhabited by approximately 7.3 billion individuals. I am aware of the fact that each individual perceives reality in all of its rapturous beauty and deplorable anguish in their own particular way. Hell hath no fury, I recognize that each of these colorfully clashing individuals could care less about me and I could care less about them. I am not of any remote importance. As sky-scraping buildings loom overhead, I enthusiastically celebrate how insignificant I truly am.
Being habitually reminded of my insignificance on a grand scale has been an exceptionally emancipating ordeal which has significantly influenced my personal freedom from existing through a mentality burdened with thoughts stemming from a position of privilege. I perceive a mentality of privilege as a collective insanity that pervades human beings throughout the world and leads individuals to extremes arising from egomaniacal delirium and irrationally living a life full of hot air. Adherents of major religions spread their faith at every opportunity and mobilize thin-skinned, bigoted followers by shoving their dreamed up ideologies down their throats and placing delusive importance on their narrow version of existence while expecting society as a whole to behave in the manner that they ignorantly believe is appropriate for the world. Individuals create a safety zone and express a high degree of comfort within religious beliefs and systems that they fondly follow because they would rather live with the self-inflicted belief of “knowing” that the disturbing perception of normality encircles their existence. For heaven’s sake, come to terms with your own morality and acknowledge that majority of the population truly do not give a fuck about the endless religious rationalizations that you use to orchestrate a belief within your biased mind that you are a special living entity and an almighty celestial figure is arranging happenings all around you for your benefit.
Think about it; it is estimated that roughly 107 people die and roughly 240 infants are born in the world every single minute. We are literally living in a cycle of life and death. As I draw a breath of fresh air down into the pit of my stomach, I feel the gnawing unease devised by a constellation of frustration, burden and vexation lift from my caved-in chest. I set myself free from the self-imposed torture of social conditioning. Humility and awe strike a chord beneath years of defense mechanisms and burdening my every day existence to fortified walls of cultural expectations teeming over every inherent milligram of personal authenticity and self-respect. I attest to the fact that in the past, I walked around this world in my training pants with an unwarranted sense of entitlement and my head stuck so far up my ass that I failed to recollect that I too was born into this world kicking, screaming and covered in blood. I was a wretched and abusive creature who had a tendency to crookedly rationalize, deny harm, expect respect and divert accountability by questioning the motives of other individuals. My blood boils as I reminisce on my toxic behavior and the multitude of times in which I served hot plates of silver-spoon entitlement and fostered the notion that the world owed my puny little ass something. I was trapped in a nasty cycle of fear. I was frightened of social judgement and would perform tumbles and cartwheels in masks of etiquette, perfectionism and falsity for societal validation. I created ostentatious tales to make my life presentable in an allegedly acceptable manner. Subsequently, traces of blood began to mark my trail. Reality smacked me awake. I have arisen from my cozy slumber of pure fucking delusion. Now I’m on a roll…….
Traveling throughout 1 out of 196 countries in the world has shed light on how many individuals co-exist in this world. I am a fly on the wall. I occupy a minuscule place in an enormous world. I am an infinitesimal sprinkle of dust. My life is insignificant to you, your life is insignificant to me.
Insignificance frequently carries a negative connotation, but I celebrate it. I am not important. My bubble of self-absorption has popped and I am free from paralyzation through coming face-to-face with my insignificance. I embrace the fundamental traits associated with being human. I am free from the shackles of social constraints through fiercely renovating my perception and indoctrinating my mind with the cold, hard truth. Strangers do not get a vote in how I live my life and I do not get a vote in how they live theirs. I have cultivated an inner GPS system that unceasingly points to the path of opening to the moments of ecstasy within the bloody, raw and painful realities of life. Staring in wonder at an unfamiliar sky and basking in the grandeur of the mountains reminds me of how small I truly am and that my most immediate threat to personal authenticity is myself. I have cut out the noise. I no longer give the petty shit in life an ounce of thought. I am no longer battling the world. I no longer bury my face in feelings of mortification if an occurrence stirs an emotion in me and I begin to sob in earnest on a packed subway train. I no longer retain a victim mentality and fall victim to snide comments and remarks. I own and embrace my failures. Each individual has their own complexities and philosophy of life that is ever-changing. I have carved a path of freedom and do as I wish through taking stock of the fact that nobody other than my immediate tribe cares if I am dead or alive. I am breaking the spell of the typical and reclaiming my life through welcoming the fact that the world does not revolve around me. I am impermanent and flawed. The world will keep spinning if an individual is not fond of me. The world will not end when I die. And paradoxically, insignificance has expanded rather than constricted my own sense of humanity.