Losing My Religion.

By Jessica Golich

Reality. Life. It ain’t all sunshine and unicorns out there, cupcake.

You win some, you lose some. Life is not about always having glorious days while traversing the endless maze that human beings curate in their minds throughout their existence. You either handle the cards that you were dealt in the life you have chosen and create something delightful or sulk in your self-induced misery; the choice is yours.

Speaking of self-induced misery, four years ago, I was at a staggering breaking point in my life. Years of agonizing drug and alcohol addiction left me in the pits of living hell, which pushed me to create a more integrally healthy lifestyle. As a typical textbook attention-seeking harlot, I joined the almighty yoga bandwagon and fell face first into the pseudo-spiritual aspects of the practice. On the threshold of achieving liberation, I could bend my body like Gumby and “woosah” my way into eagle, cobra, pigeon, and turtle pose like a boss. Theoretically wiser, I have come to the realization that I spent boatloads of money looking for the magic pill to help me feel better about myself and replace the euphoric high I received from the lunatic soup. Addictive substances provided a “highway” to my brain’s reward system by exhaustively saturating my nucleus accumbens with dopamine. So, I stumbled upon another effective cloak to hide my true nature and personality = New Age Spirituality.

Scam artists in the form of deities and gurus led my vulnerability and I toward peace pipes, banging pots and pans and swaying with my arms raised until I was under the false belief that I was reincarnated as the physical form of Quan Yin. The red-flag raising “Chosen Ones” who offered total horseshit in the form of dream catchers, magic stones and lighting the fire of delusion in tender, lily-livered minds ultimately led my thin-skinned ass through cosmic barn doors and to the stupendous extremes that a pipe-dreamin’ New-Ager will go to drastically avoid responsibility for their life. I refused to look at critical information and the nitty-gritty of my personal circumstances because it triggered uncomfortable emotions, challenging conversations and my inmost fear.


I willingly chose to remain in a state of ignorance while blinded by bogus and tender innocence coruscating from alleged angelic light. I was so co-dependent upon speaking in tongues, my asinine ego, delusions, and supporting the New Age indoctrination that I allowed years of putting a bright spin on not wanting to hurt feelings or ruffle feathers through passive and submissive thinking shroud my reality and create a follower out of me.

My delusional ignorance and wishful thinking left me utterly alone, deeply depressed, socially inept and emotionally frozen. It was excruciatingly agonizing to shatter my reality and accept the fact that the beliefs I embedded into my mind for so long were indeed the fundamental source of my misery. Years later, my pendulum still won’t have a conversation with me, and all of my New Age friends don’t call my cell phone because of the inharmonious vibrational patterns that I created through my “attachment” to practical living and reality. To each their own, and if this grandiose reality creates supreme happiness for you and your life, fan-fucking-tastic, but I am precisely no longer under the faulty belief that I am the untouchable living Jesus Christ.

I do not need to adjust my frame of mind. I am not a “low vibration” desperado for not believing. Your despicable price-tagged shame tactics that you self-proclaimed spiritual rescuers have employed to make panic-stricken individuals feel awful about themselves are getting channeled with white-hot light. How cynical of me?

I bear the burden of carrying multiple sacks of life’s dirt. I lay in all of the dirt, lunacy and grime while refusing to live on pseudo pinky promises and declarations of a better tomorrow as hollow as a lousy, two-bit chocolate Easter Bunny. Life can be brutally appalling and as the clock ticks away, so does my life. There is no magic wand and your capitalistic chaos cannot help my pain. I no longer play the new age lotto nor do I carry the belief that everything that is “meant to be” will come in due time without fostering responsible, concrete actions toward an end result.

I firmly hold myself and others accountable. I have taken responsibility for my life and my circumstances. I no longer rely on pet rocks and know that I create my reality through my actions. The puny and spineless human who could not act on real world matters without the assistance of phony angel cards, cherry-picked anecdotes and pseudo-scientific baloney has been put to rest. My disposition and behavior were the only things that went into retrograde, and this starseed has landed barefaced into reality off of the Ascension starship.

Namaste, y’all.