The Art of the Hustle: Wearing a Scarf

By Sponge

As most guys might frown at the thought of wearing a scarf during the harsh winter time, only the successful few know the allure of donning this fuzzy garment as they walk the city with their heads held high. The most prestigious and successful men in the world cushion their neck with this delicate fabric in order to protect themselves from the harsh winter winds, but most men don’t know this hidden value of wearing a scarf: women love it.

This young man is still probably drowning from all the women he arouses.

Women love men that have their shit together. No woman, and I mean absolutely no one, finds a man that has no idea what their doing attractive in the slightest. I mean think about it, what girl would find a man who doesn’t get dressed properly and with their head up their ass attractive? Get a grip fellas. If you think wearing a scarf is effeminate and a pain in the ass to put on, then please read this excellent piece on how to properly tie one. If you still think the scarf is a stupid look, well then enjoy your spot on the unemployment line, or worse, be the company’s intern turn coffee boy for a long time.

This guy fucks.

Remember when your parents said to you as a kid to put on a scarf before you leave the house or else you’ll get sick? Well, what was the first thing you did after you turned the block and left their sight? That’s right. You took that fucking thing off because you thought it was hideous and it made you uncomfortably sweaty. You ended up getting sick and Mommy or Daddy had to take a day off from making money to take care of the little dipshit they accidentally conceived on their drunken rendezvous.

This fuckin’ guy…

There’s nothing worse than missing out on the chance to make some good money. The guys that make money, and I mean real money not that pitiful intern salary that you’re currently on, know that their time is valuable. A potential cold and the subsequent sick day that comes with it is unbearable to most. Take a good hard look at yourself the next time you’re in front of your mirror, rookie. Then take a look at your company’s top earners and realize that these people are the ones wearing scarves and other wintertime apparel like mittens, earmuffs and winter hats. They’re too important to the company for them to take a sick day and that’s why they make the big bucks. So the next time you think that wearing a scarf makes you look effeminate, just remember your place at the bottom of the food chain you fuckin’ temp and then ask yourself do I want better?