The Lone Wolf. My Life as an Introvert.

By Jessica Golich

I have always been off-kilter. Offbeat. Unorthodox. Unconventional.

The state of inner commotion and chaos that emanates from overstimulation leaves me wandering in search of remnants of frivolity in a desert of lucidity. Being such a prudently developed introvert is simultaneously the most intimate, fulfilling, difficult, and delightful constitution of my human experience. As a Highly Sensitive Person, I am downright overwhelmed by overstimulation; I have developed acute self-awareness, which has made me well aware of the fact that I am continuously downloading and processing sensory information, whether I like it or not. I respond to stimuli mightily sensitively; I notice subtleties and tend to be deeply attuned to each and every environment that I consciously choose to place myself in.

I fancy creating a moment to pause to savor each and every experience. Through solitude, I get to a state of mind where time disappears. I pay attention to my immediate surroundings, and the present moment; I let go, naturally. I have manifested a tendency to fall into deep admiration of the cultivated clear picture I have developed in my mind; the astronomical diversity in our world provides opportunities for sustainable individual development; and amicable global change. There is infinite wonder, entrancing magic and extraordinary beauty all around – if only I choose to cease and pay heedful attention. I am an eyewitness to my own experience. I am an eyewitness to modern miracles within my own existence. 

Through experience, I have learned that isolation breeds recuperation; I tap into my inner programming and brilliance through inner space explorations. Solitude is harvest time; I dive deep into fascinating ideas, compelling thoughts and essential emotions. I do meet human beings ablaze with luminous charisma, beautiful hearts and captivating minds, yet I simply prefer intimate conversations in small, serene settings; through experience, I have learned that being in crowds can feel oppressive and will drain my social battery. I value soulful, lucid and enchantingly alluring relationships and connections immensely; yet I have come to realize that it is incredibly challenging for me to balance earnestly investing into building, maintaining and engaging with another individual as well as navigate through layers of my personal depth.

I value my sensitivity. I think about life differently. I have a heightened sensitivity to environments. And no, I do not suffer from agoraphobia. In solitude, I plunge into the mystery of my psyche without armor. I confront the bitter coldness deep in the blood red marrow of my bones. Behind the bitter insouciance, there beats a telltale human heart. I unlock my internal prison cell and shake myself to my very core. I lift my blood stained hands to create a dynamic painting with great grains of wisdom that radiate the sacred yet mischievous gifts contained within deliberately diving into the dark side of my idiosyncratic mind. 

I nurture and enrich my existence through immersing myself within my multifarious and deeply woven inner landscape; this jungle of intimately intertwined realities permeates my living, breathing existence and unleashes metaphorical musings full of boundless, creative abundance. I am an ancient temple laying on a bed of wilted roses exploring my own neuroses through confessional writing with echoing madness rushing through my bag of bones while being held together by my refined guts and the inexhaustible fortitude ingrained into the stone. It is imperative to my wellbeing to get in touch with the questions that buzz away, churn and smolder in my mind. There are days where I want to succumb and creatively wither away into a dark reservoir of excruciating pain and a cornucopia of mysterious open wounds. I crave creating a mindset that has toned down to such degree that the ants marching below my composed feet become the spectacle of the moment that I engross in. I am not anti-social: I simply prefer to direct my energy inward. Liberty is all of the stimulus that I wish for.

Explore the infinite universe within. Explode inside; diffuse the dynamite and go for a ride.